


Totally Not Plan

by Feather (lalaietha)



Category: Saved! (2004)
Genre: Other, Post-Movie(s), Questioning, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-06
Updated: 2012-02-06
Packaged: 2017-10-30 16:55:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/333965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lalaietha/pseuds/Feather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of all the things Hilary Faye expected from college, this wasn't it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Totally Not Plan

Hillary-Faye falls in love for the first time - real love, complete with screaming sudden lust - at college. Not bible-college, like she'd always thought: no, she ends up studying English, because it was easy to get into. That's Mary's fault - well, Mary and Roland and Patrick, all of them insisting she needed to get out and see the world, the rest of the world, before she settled down into anything. It was their fault she did that, it was their fault she was here, and so it was completely and utterly their fault - 

It's their fault that she falls in love with the TA in her modern drama class. Which would be fine, except that this TA has jet black hair with stripes dyed electric green, piercings that go in _dimples_ , and, coincidentally, is a girl. Wearing boy's clothing. 

Not just "oh boy's jeans are cheaper and wear longer and I can't be bothered to wear anything except a t-shirt" - no. Selma Bacardi (and Hillary-Faye is not convinced that's her real name, at all) wears dress slacks and white shirts and vests to class, sometimes with a tie, and half the time with a fedora or a bowler hat. She wears cufflinks and polished black shoes and (just to throw everything off) dark eyeliner, long dangling earrings that almost brush her shoulders, and a delicate wire cross - a _cross_ \- around her neck. Even if you can only see it when she doesn't wear a tie, when she wears the collar of her shirt wide open. 

It doesn't make her look like a boy. Like a guy. Her face is too narrow and delicate, the makeup too pointed, the way she move too . . . sway-y, and Hilary-Faye knows that because she can't help _watching_ , watching the way Selma's hips move, watching the way she doesn't try to change her gait at all. It just makes her look . . . . .

It actually takes Hillary-Faye almost a week of classes to be able to finish that sentence. The feeling hits her on day one, when Dr Varghese invites Selma in and tells them that she's a PhD student who'll be doing most of the teaching, while he supervises. It hits her then, but it takes her a while to sort it out, to figure out what it means, because (she thinks) she's never really felt this way before. 

It's not until Friday she gets it, when Selma comes to lean on one of the guys desk, to give him a long hard stare because he's screwing around with his cell-phone, and to tell him very quietly that if he doesn't put it away and pay attention, his participation mark (30% of the class, because there are so many times they read the plays aloud) will go in the toilet starting now. 

Because on Friday, when Selma does that, Hilary-Faye suddenly knows that she wishes Selma were leaning over her desk, or actually, forget the desk, maybe Hilary-Faye could be in a normal chair and Selma could lean on the arms, and then lean down to kiss her - hard, maybe, and maybe then - 

Actually, Hilary-Faye has no idea what happens next. Beyond, that is, the part where at some point she would be undoing Selma's tie, and maybe unbuttoning her vest and her white shirt, and undoing her belt (and she wonders, and has to cross her legs because she's suddenly certain that everyone knows what she's thinking and she needs to be nonchalant, except crossing her legs does not actually help, but she wonders whether Selma has panties or boxers or briefs or something else under the slacks) - she can get as far as being naked, but then she kind of draws a blank. 

It might have just been embarrassing and only inside her head, except that it turns out Selma's funny, and kind, and - well, she swears way too much, and the plays she chose for them to read are sometimes outright immoral, but she's really really smart and Hilary-Faye figures out she's pretty much in love by October. 

She's never been more terrified in her life, and she tries to make sure she cries in the shower, where the water covers up the sound and her roommate can't here. And on Hallowe'en, she sits down at her computer and types an email to Roland and Mary and Patrick that just says, I hate you both so much.

Her roommate's out all of that night, hitting Hallowe'en parties and getting drunk, so Hillary-Faye just cries her eyes out until she falls asleep. She wakes up, knowing one thing - of all people, right now, she needs to talk to Cassandra.


End file.
